05122009

dad bought us our first christmas tree after we decided we couldn't afford one, and family presents was more important.
So that is up..we bought some more deccys for it and it looks lovely in our bare wee living room haha.
Couch should be here soon.
Been Christmas shopping.
Spent time getting to know the neighbours.
Not done much to be honest.
Cannot believe that it's December already. Doesn't even feel like Christmas yet! At what age does that feeling just dissappear?

My hubby is snoring on the living room floor, doing what he does best.
I'm knackered also.
And hungryz..anyone wanna buy me some food?!

Bored.

26112009

Went next door last night to meet some of the other wives and have a few drinks and stuff. Ended up leaving about 3.

Had a really lovely night and it was nice to meet some of our neighbours and get to know people a bit better.

i'm now dying on our shitty army couch with my cosy duvet missing my man. He's home tomorrow though so that's exciting :)

Oh..this is our new couch. It doesn't get her until December 21st and i'm not kidding...it will be heaven to lie on something that doesn't feel like wood and cardboard!

24112009

Barrie's away. Again.
I would really be insanely happy if he was here every day.
But then i guess the whole, absence makes the heart grow fonder shit is real.
It's always so exciting to know he's coming home & to count the days passing by til we get to be together again. And then when he does get back, it's like falling in love with him all over again & like we're a new couple! All giggly and excitey.
And when he is away all i can think about is how much i love him and how great we are together.
We obviously have our arguements...and it's weird cause they're always massive hahah..but it brings us closer together.

And after about how wonderful he was when i had to go A&E and he wasn't even here...I just know i married the most amazing man in the world for me :)
2 years together/4 months married today

Aaaahh i'll fuck off and stop being soppy now.

21112009

Since i last posted i...

• Got married. ♥ :) (best day of my life)
• Moved out of Bergen, Germany.
• Moved into Kent, England.
• Haven't found a job.
• Signed on the dole...to find out i won't get pennies for it.
• Got fat(ter)..yes, possible!!
• Still have to sign on the dole but i don't get paid. Pointless.
• Still haven't found a job.
• Been on my own alot.
• Got fatter. Again.
• Raged at our shit army furniture!
• Went back and visited Mum & Dad in Germany.
• Took a trip upto A&E! Scary times.
• Had a wisdom tooth grow in and make me want to die.

About it really.

Christmas soon....i realise now why i never update my blog...i never have anything to say!!

29062009

I brought my wedding dress home with me on saturday :)

I am insanely excited! It's now hanging in the wardrobe begging me to wear it..i just want to wear it all over the house, doing the house work in it and sitting watching tv haha! I love it so much. Showed kerry it today on the webcam and was all excitey about getting to touch it again hahah!

i have 25 full days left of being Miss Sara Gentle! Have mixed emotions about this, i'm so proud of my amazing family and being a Gentle...but at the same time i really cannot wait to be Mrs Doran-Thorp either! I can't wait to share his name and move into our quarter and spend forever together.

I can't even explain how much he means to me. I have never been so happy in my life. He really does complete me and as gay as that sounds, i know it's true.

My day just doesn't seem right unless i wake up with him next to me and go to bed without him...i wait with butterflies all day for him to finish work and the moment he comes home and puts his arms round me i fall for him all over again.

I know if i'm feeling shit, all he ever has to do is hold me in his arms and kiss my head and I feel safe again.

Him being in Iraq for 6 months was the hardest thing i've ever gone through and the hardest thing we've (so far) gone through as a couple..but we got through it together.

Even though he's been living with us for the past year, i'm still scared about the fact that we'll be living in our own place in Chatham..as husband and wife. It's all going to be new and different but i cannot wait.

I feel like the happiest and luckiest girl in the whole world.

:):)

xx

21062009

wedding plans seem to be going nicely! trying to get everything sorted out before we head the the Uk for uncle waynes wedding. really looking forward to seeing everyone again.
Had my second dress fitting yesterday so i'm now getting really excited..should be ready to pick up next weekend! it's all pretty mental and stressfull as the shop doesn't speak english and we don't speak german..but my dress is amazing and my family are amazing for paying for it!
just need to sort out the evening meals and kerrys bridesmaid dress and that's about it to be honest! everything else is pretty much sorted.
everyone has been so helpfull...baz's mum has offered to make our cake, ayhan has said he'll hire me a limo to get to the church, wil offered to dj, becky decided to take on flowers and pea is doing our photography for us. it doesn't seem like much but when there's a million things to do, just those little things to not worry about take a massive load off!

it's weird having kerry as my bridesmaid and her being so far away. she's my best friend and nobody could replace her, didn't even have to think twice about who i'd ask to di it. just, i know she's busy with work and has her own thing going on at the moment..but i've never felt so apart from her in my life! it's really upsetting me that she's just not as excited as i would like her to be. and i know that sounds selfish and i can't force feelings on people...but out of everyone she's been the least supportive/helpfull and it's breaking my heart. all i asked you to do was find out what size you are...it only takes a minute :(
kerry...message me or phone me or something...just, i don't know! get measured, give me advice, speak to me, get excited with me, laugh and cry with me...stop being so distant.
it's always upset me whenever i've read your blog and you've spoke about home and missing mum and dad. i'm still here and i'm still your sister.
i don't know what i've done to make you forget about me.

5 weeks yesterday until i'm mrs doran-thorp!
3 weeks tomorrow until my 21st.
jeeeez.
xxx

I'M GETTING MARRIED!

how exciting :)

honestly couldn't be happier...i love him so much.

cjdvskhfbvfkhaoj

Yesterday i had an exciting little phone conversation that went a bit like this...

Baz: "babe...i'm posted."

me: "what? you sound like a robot!"

Baz: "i've been posted!"

me: "Where?"

Baz: "Chatham"

me: (crying)

Baz: "i'll be round in a bit....i love you"

me: (still crying...) SQUEAK (..that was my attempt at saying love you back!)

So yeah, he's moving to Chatham. Which i am totally devastated about. I can't handle the thought of him living a seperate life in a different country. I know eventually i'll go over, once he's found a flat for us to live in and stuff but i don't want to bloody live in Chatham! ever lol.
Look like i don't have a bloody choice though. Fucking army are wank.
To make matters worse though, he's to be there on the 22nd...TWENTYSECONDOFJUNE!
Honestly would make things so much easier for the whole world if we were just married, but i'm only a girlfriend and i don't count :(. rubbish!

Can't believe that the day before we were online looking at flats in Bergen, and now we're looking for flats in Kent and i'm looking for a job. Ugggghhhh! Pish.
10 days left together in Germany :(

last night with pea and lee was good. got far too drunk though and ended up a stroppy bitch! nothing new really.

i'm really missing my sister at the minute. can't wait to get back home for the wedding and see everyone again. feels like forever since i was last home.

looking forward to the wedding aswell, be so good to see everyone again and i'm so excited for uncle wayne haha.

had some mad, deep conversations last night with paula about everything and i'm feeling a bit better. also feel better about the fact that i told emma how i was feeling about everything.

i love my boyfriend so much and i honestly don't know what i'd do in this place without him. he's my entire world and i love him more than i ever thought was possible.

he's sitting next to me watching some rubbish film (dakota fanning is in it and i remember when she was in friends and she was about 7...now she's all old and grown up and shit!)...anyway, he's just sitting there watchin the tv and he looks so cute!

i love the fact that i can talk to him about absolutely anything and even if he doesn't have an answer for me, all he has to do is hold me and i feel a million times better.

he's also got the sexiest jaw line in the whole world! :) ♥

i also can't believe it's now june..what the hell is up with that? i'll be 21 in 5 weeks and it's scary lol. it's also only 3 months until Greece :) whaaay.

also means i only have 3 months to lose some weight. gutted.

xxxxx

?!

work on friday was horribly busy..then randomly went camping with the family and neighbours at Sudsee. haha was a good laugh, was good to get out and do stuff but apart from that i'm getting really fucked off with my life.

it's not so much that i don't have a day job..although t would help to get out the house and not feel like i'm just sitting waiting for baz to come home all day.

i'm just missing normal life i guess. i miss having friends. proper friends! not just people you know and see occassionally.

i'm always being left out of plans with these 'friends' and it's really getting to me.

i mean...i don't think i'm that bad a person. but my judgement on myself is clearly wrong haha!

i'm just sick of it all and i just don't want to be here anymore.

i just feel so whingy and jealous and it's not me. and it's not who i want to be!

i'm so torn...i love baz more than anything in the world and i want him forever...i just don't want this life. i don't know what to do anymore :(

i want to go home.

08042009

Fucking guard duty bollocks is doing my freakin' head innn! i love him to bits, i really really do. But his job is fucking wank and it's driving me crazy. I can't even complain about it cause i knew fine well what i was getting myself into..still, you can't choose who you fall in love with can you?

Bastard army are shite.

Really just worried about being all alone all weekend...mums away, dad's going fashing and he's on guard.

It's scary...i hate being on my own. And the fact that it scares me, scares me even more. What am i gonna do when we're married and living together, then he's away on tour again?! Fuuuck :(

Somebody buy me that bad boy for my 21st!...eeek...21! Scary times.

06042009

Barrie came back from Austria on friday night :] i missed him so much. Was late for work as i didn't wanna go but got to finish at half 12 anyway. Everyone is on leave just now so Bergen is dead. Shit aswell cause it just means who's left behind is on ye olde guard duty...which obviously includes Baz..cause i never get to see him. Ever!
Just had a lazy weekend and sat in and monged it. He was so ridiculously drunk on friday night when we got home and was falling all over the place. He decided he wanted a cuddle and jumped on me...when i had a plate of chips and a tub of curry in my hand! hahaha the curry went everywhere! all over the floor and my leg and all up the wall. I was absolutely raging but had to keep looking away cause he was so funny hahaha. Was trying to be all angry but he was so drunk! haha. Poor boy.





ordered this absolute babe of a bikini today! Been looking for a peacock bikini for a while and randomly stumbled accross it today..and it had my size! About had a heart attack. Not easy to find nice stuff in my size. Half the world doesn't recognise that 36FF exists. Bawbags.
Also spoke to Kerry for a bit on StalkerBook today. So excited to see her and GHad! Only 23 daayyyss :]:]



It's my mums birthday on Wednesday. I wish i wasn't so bloody skint!

31032009 about 02092009

Weather has been amazing the past few days...i'm loving it! Which is odd considering it was snowing last week! Love Germany in summer.


New Next bikini's arrived aswell, which is really getting me into the summer mood. Just need to lose a bit weight for Greece though. Can't wait for it...September can't come soon enough. Can't wait to be on that beach again, with my family and the people that mean the most to me. So happy Baz and Kerry can make it this year.

310309

i don't know what i plan to do with this. I've always used Livejournal and to be honest, i stopped using that on a regular basis years ago. We'll see.

Lately i've really been wanting to get my arse in gear. Getting a new, full time, job is pretty much the only way i can sort out my sleeping pattern. It's also the only way i'm going to make the money i need to make to be alive! I know it makes sense as Baz and I will then have the same routines and sleeping patterns, i just can't seem to force myself to work on camp. i know part of it is definitely cause i'm a lazy bastard but i'm also scared that doing the normal every day thing here in Bergen will make me hate it. The people i see every night at my current job are amazing and it's stupidly funny watching the state they all get themselves into. I really just don't want to go boring! I want everything at once & it's just impossible. I need to realise that i'm nearly 21 & things and life changes. Fuuuuckinnng hell. Get a life Gentle!





Baz is away...again. Been missing New York loads lately, just want to be back sleeping in our amazing Times Square hotel with my amazing boy. Walking Central Park for a full day and ending up snuggling on the bridge here again at night.





It really is shite being head over heels in love with someone who's job will always come first!



On a positive note ; my baby sister is coming to visit in 29 days! Really can't wait to see her.

"And the news reports on the radio
Said it was getting worse
Cause the ocean air fanned the flame.
But I couldn't think there was anywhere I would have rather been
To watch it all burn away.
To burn away."